By Kelly Hearn
This week Boris Johnson announced the end of all remaining Covid restrictions in England. Politicians have been eager to call the end of the pandemic practically since the beginning – let’s face it, we all have. But two years on, having had hopes rise only to be dashed again as many times (remember the optimism of summer 2020, summer 2021?), are we now ready to fully re-emerge from behind our screens?
An ONS poll done in early February found that just 7% of adults felt their lives were ‘back to normal.’ A full third of respondents felt normality was more than a year away. It seems Covid will continue to affect our psyches and therefore our comings and goings longer than any pandemic-related restrictions.
Late last year, notably before the appearance of Omicron and the ensuing round of new health concerns, there was already the emergence of a trend the press was dubbing ‘HOGO’ or the ‘hassle of going out.’ Even for events paid for in advance, a sizable number of people decided to stay home. Oh, how the times have changed since FOMO! Some of this shift is undoubtedly a good thing. I’m a big proponent of JOMO – the ‘joy of missing out’ – when it means we are giving ourselves permission to say ‘no’ to things that we just don’t want to do. But something different is at work here. Most of us know or at least intuit that getting out and about a bit more would be a good thing – we are social animals after all – but we just can’t, well, be bothered.
Technology has saved many of us – and our work – during the pandemic. Credit where credit is due. But in taking our lives online, we still lost so much. I love how Sheryl Brahnam, a Professor of Information Technology and Cybersecurity, describes it: ‘In-person communication resembles video conferencing about as much as a real blueberry muffin resembles a packaged blueberry muffin that contains not a single blueberry but artificial flavours, textures and preservatives. You eat too many and you’re not going to feel very good.’ Indeed, most of us who spent all day on Zoom did not feel very good at all by the time we turned off our screens in the evening.
Although online gave us the tremendous benefit of access to numerous talks, concerts, classes and meet-ups happening all over the world, how engaged were we in these really? I confess to sometimes having something else on the go at the same time – listening to a talk I wanted to hear but needing to make dinner or something similar. In smaller groups, I often saw participants obviously distracted, the tell-tale gaze downward suggestive of scrolling on their phones or texting. Then there was the clear negative effect on the group dynamic if anyone chose to keep ‘video off’ (which happened frequently). This isn’t to call anyone out or name and shame…it’s just to state the obvious that this type of group interaction ain’t the real blueberry muffin.
Meeting up in the online world lacks what early 20th century sociologist Emile Durkheim called ‘collective effervescence’ – the sense of energy, harmony and joy that arises when we come together with a shared purpose. In-person sporting events, religious gatherings, brainstorming sessions at work, interactive discussions on a topic of interest – these all allow a positive and connective energy to spread in the group the way it just doesn’t via the internet.
We are all now free to get out and about more. Events are taking place in person. And yet there is hesitation. Kate Nicholls, Chief of UK Hospitality, doesn’t think this is about health-related fears anymore so much as our changed mindset. I understand the inertia, and that it isn’t just the hassle of logistics. Most of us are out of practice putting in the effort. Socialising is a muscle, one that’s deteriorated considerably over the last two years. There is social awkwardness and anxiousness that has some of us looking for any excuse to avoid this discomfort and just stay home. The pandemic has also had a detrimental effect on our mental health and when we feel low, the inclination is to isolate, retreat. More reasons to stay home even though social connection – the very thing we have been deprived of – is what could help us the most in these circumstances.
Noreen Hertz, the English academic, economist and author of The Lonely Century discusses in her book how communicating via screens has contributed to a global loneliness crisis that predates the pandemic. In 2018, it was a big enough issue that then-prime minister Theresa May took the step of appointing a Minister for Loneliness. Hertz writes: ‘Even before the coronavirus struck, contactless was starting to become our way of life, our active choice.’ The result? ‘One in eight Brits did not have even a single close friend they could rely on, up from one in ten just five years before. Three-quarters of citizens did not know their neighbours’ names, whiles 60% of UK employees reported feeling lonely at work.’ These data derive from studies conducted in 2019 or before; one can only imagine what the figures look like post months of lockdowns, self-isolation and social distancing.
The Turkish-British writer Elif Safak describes where we are as ‘a threshold moment. An inbetween-dom. A perplexing interval between a prolonged end and an unknown beginning.’ As we feel our way around this liminal space, it is important for us to think about how we want to interact with each other moving forward, and reflect on what we lose when we make convenience our primary goal. Of course, sometimes the convenience of online can and should win out as the most important consideration. But not always, not by default. As I am typing I get a text from a friend about an event we are going to tonight. I suggest a meetup place. She is surprised: ‘I hadn’t realised it wasn’t on Zoom. So used to sitting at my desk!’ I thank her for the timely anecdote to include in my writing. We are all so used to sitting at our desks that online events have become the norm and therefore the assumption.
My concern is our collective inertia, sitting behind screens and eschewing in person meetups, robs us of that collective effervescence. Maybe I’m being overly pessimistic – we’ve all been reminded that the Roaring Twenties followed the 2018 Spanish Flu. But then Zoom, Netflix and Instagram weren’t tempting people to stay home back then, and we are all keenly aware of technology’s compelling (some would say addictive) grip.
As an introvert, I have enjoyed having more time in my own space during the pandemic. But even for me venturing out in the world for in-person events and classes lately has been an absolute tonic. I feel I have five senses again. I enjoy the surprising buzz of new connections, large and small. As part of an organisation dedicated to bringing the theory and practice of psychotherapy out of the consulting room and into the world, I am so looking forward to hosting more of our events in person. Holding space for ourselves and others as an important contributor to the interconnectedness that supports our communities and wellbeing. Relishing actual blueberries! Understandably, people are asking us for an online option, and hybrid may be the way it has to be, at least for now. But a bit more in-person collective effervescence in 2022 would do us all some good. Feels worth the hassle of going out?
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EL is excited to be kicking off in-person events for 2022. Our meetings are lively, intensely engaging, and connect us to the world in a life-enhancing way that is core to our ethos. Our speakers include philosophers, writers, business leaders, artists, activists and therapists. We also run experiential workshops that combine theory and practice on a number of topics related to mental wellbeing. Upcoming events include:
Friday, February 25th (12:00-13:00) for a conversation on workplace wellbeing with author and journalist Cate Sevilla. Cate is edictor-in-chief of Huffpost UK and author of How to Work Without Losing Your Mind. A timely topic as we all rethink work coming out of the pandemic!
March 23rd (19:00 – 20:30) for a workshop on the often overlooked topic of financial wellness as a core pillar of overall wellbeing. Mental Wealth: The Psychology of Money & Pursuit of Financial Wellness will be facilitated by EL co-founder Kelly Hearn and offers a time to engage with the topic in a relaxed and friendly manner (proving the subject need not be dry or dreary!)
As we start meeting again in person, finding special spaces to host our events is important. Place matters. Care and attention to our surroundings matters. Taking care of each other, offering nurturing refreshments, matters. Which is why we are thrilled to have partnered up with Inhabit Hotel & on-site restaurant Yeotown Sussex Gardens for our first events.
Inhabit is a healing city sanctuary in the heart of bustling central London (W2). This is a hotel with a heart for community, a head for life-enhancing hospitality and wellness wisdom to share. Inhabit offers much more than a place to lay your head, with its considered spaces, nourishing food and beverage, and hosts that share a passion for maintaining a healthy mind and body. The Library where we will be hosting our events offers a noise-free lounge where shelves are stacked with psychology, art and design books, as well as essential escapist fiction. Its carefully-considered décor is both welcoming and soothing.
Yeotown Sussex Gardens, on-site at Inhabit, is a relaxed restaurant offering California-inspired dishes, cold-pressed juices and warm mugs of goodness. We will be selecting nourishing refreshments to serve at our events from a menu curated by award-winning health retreat Yeotown. The restaurant also offers a welcoming gathering place for those who want to eat and keep the conversation going afterwards!
For more information, or to attend the Workplace Wellbeing or Mental Wealth event, please contact info@examinedlife.co.uk. We will be populating our 2022 calendar with more events and dates in the near future so stay tuned!
Photo credit: Oliver Holmes, taken at a panel EL co-founder Charlotte Fox Weber joined for the Bazaar UK Summit November 2021.
