Alex Holmes is a mental health and resilience coach, author of ‘Time to Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection,’ and host of the Time to Talk podcast. He joined EL earlier in the year to discuss vulnerability and the courage to own our own stories.
What is an unbearable experience you somehow survived?
Hmm….have a read of my piece about when I lost my grandmother.
What is a moment of pure joy for you?
A difficult one…I don’t particularly have a moment of pure joy that I can recall, but I am working towards it. Joy is a way of life, and is not fleeting. I am moving through a moment to pure joy that lasts.
What does darkness look like to you?
Just like joy, darkness is difficult for me. I think, at my lowest, my darkness was a cloud of pain, regret, fear, sorrow – deep sorrow – suffering …this is what I felt when I couldn’t adequately manage my emotions, manage my environment, manage how many emotions I took on as my own. The days I thought I was broken, incomplete, odd and damaged – those were my dark days. The nights I woke up in pain, a deep soul pain, a wail and cry. I would be so drained in the darkness.
Describe a time you laughed hard.
New Year’s Eve. I saw a new, competitive side to my cousin and it was the funniest thing ever.
Who inspires you?
My grandparents. As well as anyone navigating life on their on terms. Sans regret, sans doubt.
What are you most excited about?
Human potential.
What is something people get wrong about you?
That I am unapproachable, or all knowing. I am a teacher and a student. I am open, yet have boundaries. I operate in duality. I guess people think I’m complex. But…I have a simple complexity maybe?
What adjectives describe 7 year-old you?
Joyful. Different. Introverted. Bookish. Playful. Soft.
Where are you happiest?
Near a body of water, or in nature.
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
It seems odd to say, but welcome love unconditionally. I don’t fully understand what that means, but it’s what was in my heart.
What annoys you in others?
For a fleeting moment, lack of self-awareness and lack of empathy. Then I realise I shouldn’t be in a position of judgement.
What keeps you up at night?
My mind. My worst taskmaster.
What’s a lesson you keep learning?
That in order to trust others, I need to trust myself.
How do you recharge?
I sit still, and find the home I have created for myself. I sleep. I eat. I read. I dance. I move. I do things that remind me of who I am.
When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it?
Planted herbs and flowers in my garden last summer. It was magical.
What is something you desire you don’t currently have?
It used to be freedom, but I realise that I have that. I desire moments of love, community, space and joy.
If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be?
The moment my aunt passed. Although if I did change in another reality…you might not be asking this question, because I wouldn’t be me.
What are you most proud of?
The different elements of me.
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Fame doesn’t interest me. Impact does.
What is the best/worst advice you ever received?
Best – Be you, unapologetically.
Worst – Be impulsive.
What does living an examined life mean to you?
It means living a life curiously.
What’s your favourite question to ask a new acquaintance? Answer it (please!)
How are you being today? The answer is always interesting…
